A few months back I had posted the summary of the first part of the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. As promised, here is the summary of the rest of the book - the "How to Influence People" part. In retrospect I think, part 1 will make you a nicer, more caring and more lovable person, whereas part 2 will make you a stronger, more assertive and more respectable person - the kind of person who can influence others without offending them. Of course, that goes with a pinch of salt. Even before I start summarizing, I have to admit that this book changed me! It just completely and utterly changed me as a person - yet so subtly, you'll not be able to make out the impact, you'll just feel a slight change in "my after-taste". :)
It's just a concept I came up with. I think people, just like food, are judged in two ways - by "how they taste" and "what after-taste they leave". I think while understanding and practicing the principles discussed in the book about dealing with people will definitely affect your interaction and who you come off as, it'll improve your after-taste as well. People will remember you as a pleasant person to be with and will look back to the interaction (if at all they ever look back) fondly rather than grudgingly.
The first part of part 2 talks about "how to win people to your way of thinking". Here are the suggested ways:
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.
The next part gives suggestions about "how to be a leader". This is definitely my favorite part. It is really useful too. It is much easier to be a pleasant sweet-talker, but it is a challenge to be a good leader - to have the ability to influence people to do what you want them to do enthusiastically.
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Lot of stuff to learn in just one summer! :)
One of my students at the basic adult education program mentioned to me, while describing how difficult it is to get a job these days, "It's not about what you know, it's about who you know."
While I don't want to reduce the idea of the book to "putting up a good face" just to get your way out in the world, but given the times we live in, I think it is quite important to leave a good after-taste. You never know how the next person you meet will change your life. No matter how hard you work, how much you know or how smart you are, there will be hundred other people as qualified as you. The ability to deal with people may end up being the deal-breaker.
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