It's the third one

I think I have expressed this thought a million times on this blog and probably repeat it to myself at least ten-times a day, but I will stop only when it is absolutely, crystal-clear to me. It's not yet. While I can claim to stand by it in theory, I succumb to the opposite in practice every single time.

There is a theory in sociology (I read it almost half a decade ago, so I can't recall the name) that when we get ready to leave our house and take one last look in the mirror, there are three things that we think about:

1. What we think of ourselves

2. What we think of other people

3. And what we think other people will think of us

By the time we are adults and have experienced the world a little bit, I think we are clear about the first two points. We know, to a fair extent, who we are and who the people around us are. But it's the third one that gets us all at some point or the other and to different extents in different situations.

First of all, one needs to remember that it is only one of the three primary concerns and is probably the only concern that is not directly in our hands. Secondly, it's next to impossible to predict what others will think in a given situation. Thirdly, one can't live a life preoccupied with opinions that we think other people might hold and not opinions we know them to hold. Why not, go out in the world, do what we want to do, observe the reactions we get and then decide? Decide whether, the next time we face a similar situation, (a) will we do what feels right or (b) just what we are expected to do or that which will make us feel more included, even when it doesn't completely agree with our being.

Such a simple lesson - why is it taking forever to learn it?